Someone to Take Care Of
by Aida99
Summary: They had never adopted and she had never given birth, but it upset her to think that meant that their family's love was less than what the other's had.
1. Chapter 1

There's Something About You

_They'd never had a baby together, so when people ask them if they had children, she isn't lying when she says no. No, she had never given birth to their child, no, they hadn't adopted. Sometimes she wonders if her being pregnant or documentation would have made a difference. She decides it wouldn't have and everything would have turned out exactly the way it did, and when people asked if she and Derek had children she would probably lie and say no. She would lie for the same reason whether or not she had given birth or they had documentation, because it was simply easier. It was easier to lie and say that Allison was never theirs, because she supposes in the eyes of the law, she never was._

October 2004

Derek Shepherd sighed as he looked over the chart and scans of young patient, at 5 years old the young girl had been through so much that he couldn't bear to accept the diagnosis and prognosis he was going to need to deliver. Allison Lily Sullivan had been brought in by her foster mother complaining of a headache and now Derek Shepherd had to tell the social worker that the young girl had an inoperable form of brain cancer.

"It's called diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma or DIPG," Derek explained as he stood outside Allison's room. He was delivering the worst possible news but he couldn't bring himself to even walk into the room and see the little girl- he didn't think he could handle putting a face to the name.

The social worker sighed and looked to Allison's room, "Well what do we do?"

"Radiation is the best treatment option; with any luck we should be able to slow the growth of the tumor."

"And, how long will she have?"

"Six months if we're lucky, nine months at best."

As tears began to fill the social workers eyes, Derek realized how young she was for the first time, she couldn't have been a day over twenty-three. "How do I tell a child something like that?"

Derek ran his hand through his hair, "Well, I'll gladly be there to any question Allison's foster parents have."

The social worker was now openly crying and she scoffed, "They've only had Allison for three days and have six other kids, and they called to tell me it wasn't working out."

For probably the third time that day Derek felt like he was going to vomit. How could anyone leave a child so carelessly? "What is going to happen to her?"

"We'll have to look for a new placement, but honestly Dr. Shepherd, it'll be hard. Nobody is openly willing to take care of a sick kid." The social worker sighed as she began to clean herself up. "She's such a sweet little girl, really, she's a great kid. I just don't want to give her more bad news, you know?"

"I know," Derek tried to smile. "Here, why don't I talk to her? I mean I'll be around quite a bit and it's best that I get her to trust me anyways."

Although she was about to protest, Derek saw the social worker close her mouth and nod in appreciation. Sighing he pointed her in the direction of the nurses' station and approached Allison door.

There was something about the way the young girl was sitting up in bed coloring and singing that made Derek smile. Her tight brown curls were piled in a ballet bun on the top of her head and around her hospital gown Allison had put on a pink tutu. "That's a very pretty dress," Derek smiled getting her attention.

Allison looked up at him, her green eyes full of life. "It's not a dress silly, it's a tutu, you know for ballet?"

"Oh," Derek laughed, "I'm very sorry for the mistake."

"It's ok," Allison smiled showing a perfect row of teeth. "Who are you?"

"My name is Dr. Shepherd and I'm going to be taking care of you and helping you feel better."

"Ok, Dr. Shepherd, my name is Allison, but they call me Ally."

"Well Ally, do you mind if I sit down and we talk for a bit?"

Ally furrowed her eyebrows and looked Derek up and down. "You're very handsome are you sure you're a doctor and not a prince?"

"Yes I'm a doctor," Derek laughed again.

"Ok we can talk," and like someone much older than her five years, Allison closed her coloring book and gave Derek her full attention.

"Ally, do you know what cancer is?" Allison shook her head indicating that she didn't. "Well it is something in a person's body that can make them feel yucky. Do you understand?"

Allison nodded her head once again and scooted closer to Derek, "My head feels yucky."

"That is because there is some cancer is your head," Derek was sure this was the hardest thing he had ever done.

Allison put her hands on her head and nodded, "But you're going to take care of me?"

"Yes, Allison, I'm going to take care of you."

XXXXXXX

Although she and her husband both spent a great deal of time with their patients, Addison Shepherd became concerned when he husband didn't come home for three days. Furthermore when she saw that he had written down the schedule of a cancer patient's radiation treatments in his day planner, she became concerned. This was why on her lunch break Addison was searching for an Allison Sullivan.

She wasn't surprised when she found herself in the pediatric ward of the hospital, although Derek had always accused her of getting too close to her patients, Addison knew her husband had a soft spot for young patients. Walking into Allison's room, Addison found the young girl fast asleep clutching a soft brown teddy bear.

As Addison looked over Allison's chart, she immediately understood why her husband was putting so much time in with Allison. Her diagnosis was unbelievably cruel and the tiny girl had no one. "Who are you?" Addison turned around to see bright green eyes staring at her.

Addison smiled and approached the young girl, "my name is Addison."

Allison instantly laughed, "Allison and Addison, we're almost the same. Are you a doctor?" Addison nodded her head, "what's your doctor name?"

"Doctor name?"

"Yeah," Addison was not wide awake and threw her covers off of her legs. "All doctors have doctor names that you have to call them, like Dr. Ryan and Dr. Peters and Dr. Shepherd. But Dr. Shepherd says I don't have to call him by his doctor name and I can call him Derek if he can call me Ally. He's my best friend. So what's your doctor name?"

Addison smiled, "Dr. Shepherd."

Allison's eyes lit up, "Did you marry Derek?" When Addison nodded Allison grabbed a coloring book and placed it on her bed tray, "want to color with me? Derek said you're the bestest colorer."

There was something about Allison that made Addison feel as though she instantly needed her and she hadn't realized how badly she wanted the girl to like her. "I'd love to Allison."

Allison smiled at her and opened her box of crayons, "Ally," she corrected.

What do you think? Should I continue?


	2. I'll Help You Make It Through the Day

I'm sorry I forgot to mention that the story takes place in New York before everything on Grey's.

I'll Help You Make It Through the Day

It's been a week since Derek met Allison and now that he is catching himself rushing through patients to go check on her, he knows he has a problem- he's past the point of attached. Such a situation is bad enough Derek begins to reason, but as he walks into Allison's room and finds the young girl applying makeup (rather excessively) to his wife, he realizes that letting his guard down will now hurt his wife as well. "Hello Miss Ally," he greets earning a smile from Addison and giggles from Ally. As he shoots both girls a confused look, Ally begins to laugh so hard she is gasping for air. "What's so funny?"

"It's a secret," Ally tries to explain her brown curls falling over her face as she begins to control her laughter and goes back to applying hot pink eye shadow on Addison. "Addie and I are playing beauty, want to play?"

He agrees and settles at the end of Allison's bed to watch her finish Addison's makeover. With one look at his wife, who prides herself on pristine makeup application and now resembles a clown-stripper, Derek is certain they've crossed a line.

Addison doesn't cry, it's one thing that Derek both respects and finds scary about her, so when he walks into their bedroom after work and finds her sobbing, he doesn't know what to do. "Adds," he doesn't need to ask her what's wrong because he's fairly certain her knows. "She's all alone Derek," Addison clutches on to his arm and buries her face in his chest. "It's just not fair."

He nods, but besides mumbling 'shhh' and 'it's ok', he doesn't know what else to say because he knows they're both thinking the same thing. Being a surgeon, he's cut and fixed people, he's rarely presented with a patient, let alone a child, who cannot be cut open and fixed in some way, those patients never make it to him. Allison however had made it to him and the helplessness, frustration and pure anger her prognosis brought to him made him question his own life. How could an innocent child be faced with such a heartbreaking ending?

Derek continued to hold his wife until her sobs subsided and she suddenly looked up at him, her face covered in red blotches and tears. "We have room."

"Addison," he knows what she means and he'd being lying to say he hasn't thought about it. "She needs full time parents, we're doctors, she's going to need someone to hold her hand through treatments and be there every night."

"Derek," Addison's voice is shaking and she has his hand in hers, "She needs someone, she needs people who love her."

"Addie I was her doctor they won't allow it," he's making up excuses that he knows are stupid and unreasonable but one of them has to be the sensible one. One of them has to think about what they'd be getting themselves into because the situation is already breaking them and he can't imagine how crushed they'll be when the day comes.

"Derek please," she's now off the bed literally begging on her knees her head in her husband's hands. She's desperate and continues to repeat herself until she finally looks up and sees the tears in her husband's eyes. "Derek I know…I know it'll be hard," Addison is gasping for air as she tries to get words out through tears. "But she can't be alone in that hospital, she can't, she needs a home Derek. Ok, Derek? She needs a home?" As Addison gets off her knees and stands in front of her husband she can feel his hands shaking in hers. "Derek, she needs us."

He nods and wipes the tears out of her eyes, they're already in this and there is no going back anyways; Allison Sullivan might need them but it's clear that they need her.

"Jenna."

"Dr. Shepherd, I was just stopping by to check on Allison," the social worker smiles, "Is everything ok Dr. Shepherd?" The dark haired surgeon is fidgeting nervously with something in his pocket and Jenna has never seen the confident doctor so unsure.

"Jenna, have you found Allison a foster home yet?"

She smiles sadly and sighs, "I'm afraid we haven't, I just wish I could get Allison out of this hospital."

"My wife and I…" Derek can barely breathe let alone speak, the last time he was this nervous was when her proposed to Addison. "My wife and I are interested in taking in Allison."

Jenna's smile fades, "Dr. Shepherd this is a great responsibility and should not be taken lightly."

"I know, we know. My wife and I we've been spending time with her, we only want what's best and I think… we think we can give that to her." Derek is still shaking but he is looking Jenna straight in the eye.

"Ok," Jenna smiled. "I'll have to check some things out, but if your serious Dr. Shepherd…"

"We are."

"Good, we'll be in touch."


	3. And I've Been Waiting for You

Cause I've Been Waiting for You

Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate it. Hope you enjoy, even though it's short.

"And Dr. Shepherd if you just sign there and Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd if you just sign there, we'll be all done," Jenna indicated to the last of the documents both Addison and Derek were standing over. As Addison scribbled her signature at the bottom of the page she felt a rush of anxiousness and disbelief all at once-she and Derek were now fully responsible for a sick little girl. Although she would not have it any other way she could not help feeling unsure, what if even after all their considerations, she and Derek were not enough?

XXXX

Both Addison and Derek had agreed that they would not tell Allison about their plans to take her in as a foster child until after it was official. Both of them had decided that they didn't want to get the little girl's hopes up, but after working all morning and meeting Derek downtown to talk to Jenna, Addison wanted nothing more than to take Allison home with them. The little girl was taking part in her first round of radiation treatments and although Allison was very tired, Addison knew the little girl would be able to rest much better in a real home opposed to the hospital bed that was also being used as a permanent residence.

Walking in Allison's room, Derek and Addison found Ally curled up in bed watching Cinderella. As soon as she saw them, Allison's eye lit up. "Hi Addie! Hi Derek! Are you going to watch Cinderella with me?"

Derek took a seat on one end of Allison's bed and Addison took a seat on the other end, "Ummm Ally, Addie and I have something we want to talk to you about."

"What is it?" Allison sat up straight in the bed with her hands folded neatly in her lap fully ready to listen to anything_**her**_ Addie and Derek said.

"Ally, remember how before your head started hurting you were staying with Mr. and Mrs. White?"

"Yeah," Allison's eyebrow furrowed. "They didn't want to take care of me anymore, so Jenna said I had to stay in the hospital to get better."

Addison's heart was breaking with every word she heard and she immediately moved Allison and placed her on her lap. Though she and Derek had agreed to walk Allison through what was happening and explain everything to her, she was anxious to assure the child that she was wanted. "Sweetie, Derek and I really like visiting you here."

Derek stroked Ally's hair and smiled at his wife, "We really do Ally."

Allison threw an arm around Derek's neck brining him closer to her and Addison, "Good cause you and Addie are the bestest."

Addison laughed and kissed the top of Allison's head, and then she nodded at Derek signaling for him to continue. "And Addie and I want to spend every day with you, we don't want to have to come visit you, we want to see you all the time. Do you understand?"

Allison nodded her head and buried her head in Addison's shoulder. Allison's skin was warm and although she didn't have a fever, Addison could tell she was tired and confused. "Sweetie we love you a lot and Derek and I…" She paused and looked to her husband who placed a hand on Allison's head getting her attention.

"Ally, we want to know if you'd like to come live with me and Addie."

Allison's head shot up from Addison's shoulders and she looked at both Addison and Derek nodding her head. "I could come home to your house?"

Addison nodded and began to stoke Ally's back, when the tiny girl's eyes began to fill with tears. "Forever?" she asked looking to Derek.

Derek nodded, "forever."

XXXXX

Because Ally didn't have much to take from the hospital and her next radiation treatment was not for another five days, the three were able to leave the hospital quite quickly arriving at their brownstone in record time. Although she had been chatty as they walked through the halls of the hospital, Allison's strength was decreasing and once inside it was clear that the young girl would be fast asleep in a matter of minutes. In fact she was so tired; she didn't even make it up the stairs in Derek's arms before she fell asleep. "Derek what room are you going to put her in?" They had three spare bedrooms and Addison had been so concerned with actually bringing Ally home she hadn't thought about what they would do when she was actually there. "Don't put her in Mark's room, it might not be safe."

Derek let out a quiet laugh and shut the door to 'Mark's room' and continued to walk down the hall to the bedroom across from theirs. "I thought she could sleep in her own room," pushing the door open her lead Addison in and stood at the doorway while she looked around.

"Derek…" she whispered carefully not wake Allison. The room had gone under a complete transformation from what it was the previous morning. The walls had been painted a very light rose color and a white lacey bedspread covered a brand new dark wood bed frame. Addison's grand old doll house had been brought down from the attic and Amelia's old glass baby dolls and wooden doll carriages were placed in the corner of the room. Addison's eyes filled with tears as she looked over the room and spotted the book Derek had placed on the nightstand, it was "Love You Forever" and she could just picture the nights to come when they'd read to Allison in this room.

"I got everything I could think of, but I'd figure I'd leave buying her clothes and shoes to you." Derek came up behind her and placed Ally in her bed making sure to tuck her in comfortably.

"How did you do this Derek?"

"When you were at work this morning, I figured she'd need a room so I called Sam and asked him where to buy all the girly type things Maya has in her room, and then I forced Mark so help me put it all together and clean this place up."

Addison turned to her husband, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're amazing you know that?"

Derek laughed, "So I've been told."


	4. It's You, But It's Not

_Hey guys, sorry about the long wait but school has been crazy. Word of advice, never take chemistry is university; it will cause you to forfeit t our life._

**February 2012**

"And it was amazing Addie, it was the first time I think he ever saw me as an actual doctor, not his little sister with a drug problem." Amelia is pacing around her office recounting her recent journey to Seattle.

Addison smiles, "I'm glad it worked out, not just for Mason and Erica, but for you and Derek. Did you get the pleasure of seeing the trailer or did you stay with him and Meredith?"

"I went to Meredith's," Amelia is quite and begins to avoid eye contact.

"Amelia," Addison smirks. "We've been divorced for three years; I know he's with Meredith, its ok."

Amelia smiles backs and nods her head, "Have you talked to Derek recently?"

"He called to check up on you when you were in rehab, but beside that not really…"

"So he hasn't talked to you about his… umm personal life?"

Addison raises her brows, "Amelia, what is this about?"

"Umm, Derek and Meredith adopted this baby, she was a patient from Africa and… Addie I can't believe he didn't tell you, I mean he didn't tell me until I was physically in Seattle but I thought… I thought he would at least talk to you about it."

Addison shakes her head and stares out her office window, "He didn't tell me, but wow… good for them, he's happy?" Amelia nods her head and Addison smiles quickly standing up and collecting her bag. "I have a patient."

"Addie."

"I'm fine Amelia, its ok."

XXXXX

"Addison, you don't usually come on Wednesdays. Is something the matter?" Her therapist is staring at her intently, not even bothering to make notes on her.

Addison's eye shift around the room as she runs her fingers through her uncharacteristically messy hair. "Allison."

"Your daughter?" The therapist raises his glasses and crosses his right leg over his left. "Do you want to talk about her today?"

"Yes," Addison fumbles with her hands in her lap. "I mean no, but…" She forces herself to stop fumbling and sighs, "my ex-husband adopted another daughter with his new wife, she, the baby, was a patient of his."

"Like Allison."

Addison nods, "His sister told me a few days ago, Amelia, she lives with me and I told her I was happy for him and that it doesn't bother me. And it doesn't, I mean I loved him and want him to be happy."

"But?"

Addison looks around the room gather her thoughts. "I don't snoop, I mean the one time in my life I did I found panties in my husband's pocket that weren't mine. So I don't snoop, but last night I went on Facebook."

"Facebook?" Her therapist raises his eyebrows clearly not knowing where she is going or why a world class surgeon would even have Facebook.

"Derek, has Facebook to communicate with his nieces and nephews, you know wish them a happy birthday."

"Ok."

"Well I went on and started to look through his picture, I mean I don't know why… I just… I don't know." She sighs, "I shouldn't snoop."

"What did you find?"

"Pictures."

"Of his daughter?"

She nods, "The first one I saw was taken recently, Amelia is in it and he posted it to show his mom. And I was happy for them, I really was. He has this beautiful little girl, so I kept looking."

"Ok," for the first time he scribbles something down on a notepad.

"There were I few from Christmas and what I assume to be a birthday. Then some from the summer and then some from last winter. Some of the ones from the winter were in the hospital, but most were at their house."

"And the ones from the winter at their house bothered you?"

"They shouldn't bother me, it's been three years."

"But they did." He is making a statement not asking and she can do nothing but agree.

"Yeah, I was…I don't know, it just bothered me"

"Why is that? You know why it bothered you Addison."

"I realized that she, her name is Zola, has been with them for over a year."

"Why does that bother you, are you angry that in the past year no one bothered to tell you about her?"

Addison shakes her head, if she knows anything at the moment it is that she doesn't mind that no one told her. This isn't about Derek and herself. "No, I'm not angry at him."

"So why did the picture bother you?"

Addison rubs her temples and focuses on the box of tissue on the table in front of her. "When I first started looking at the pictures, I was happy for him. I saw this beautiful baby girl, with big dark eyes and pink tails. They had her dressed in these bright little matching tops and bottoms and there were some of her sipping from a sippy cup. But after a while, I was looking at the pictures but I wasn't seeing her."

"You weren't seeing Zola?"

Addison nods, "Maybe I was seeing her, but I was seeing their differences."

"Zola's and Allison's?"

"Yeah, I mean Ally had these big green eyes and she refused to wear pink tails because they hurt her head. She claimed she was too old for a sippy cup, even when she started to lose the use of her hands and she made a mess if she didn't use one. And we could never get her out of a dress or tutu."

"So when you saw picture of Zola, it bothered you because you were brought back to a time when you had Allison."

"No that didn't bother me, it was just that…"

"Addison?"

"When I saw the picture from last winter I realized another difference between them."

"Which was?" He's pretty sure he knows what she is going to say, but he knows she needs to say it out loud.

"Zola has been with them for over a year, I never got that long."


End file.
